Me: Hey! Why are you poking me with a needle?
He: Because it was there.
Me: Good thing you didn't notice the machete then

Him: Bah, i have to work tomorrow.
Me: Don't think of it as work, think of it as time away from the annoying girlfriend. I can be annoying! Do you want me to be annoying???
Him: You know what i want you to be?
Me: Quiet?
Him: Yes.
Me: Oh

Me: I love having you in my lap
Him: I love being in your lap
Me:I love having you
Him: I love er.. being.

Him: I was dreaming we were driving through the countryside and then i stopped the car and totally had my way with you. And you were like wow, he's totally having his way with me. And all the people driving by were like wow, he's totally having his way with her. And then i woke up and wanted to have my way with you and then you said "Fuck off, i"m trying to sleep"..

Me: you'd better or i'll dip you in chocolate and leave you to dry
Him: and call me Mayan Mystic?
Me: Nah, just "Jan in chocolate"
Him: But if i'm Mayan Mystic that hot girl comes to lick me!
Me: Yes, that's why you're just "Jan in chocolate"

Me: Bah, we did way too much today, all that stupid shopping.
Him: I love you, you're a man's best friend
Me: I'm a dog?
Him: You hate shopping, too! It suddenly hit me: i have the perfect girlfriend!
Me: It suddenly hit you? Before you were just thinking "my girlfriend is above average?"
Him: Yes!

Me: but what if your economy collapses, what do you think will happen?
Him: Do you have any idea how sexy you look in that top?
Me: I mean, do you think it'll get that far?
Him: Baby, we can talk about the economy after the mindblowing sex.
Me: Oh, sorry. Tell me then how sexy I look in this top?
Him: Eh.. very

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